Kids seem to have a bottomless pit of questions. 

“Mommy, do you like it?”

“Daddy, look! Is it beautiful?”

“Did I do a good job?”

“I made it for you.”

Youngsters seek positive affirmation from their parents starting from the moment they are born. Erik Erikson, a renowned psychologist, identifies eight stages of psychosocial development and the approximate age ranges. These phases develop into virtues or maladaptive behavior depending on the external stimuli an individual receives.

Commencing at birth and continuing until 18 months, an infant is in the trust versus mistrust step. As the caregiver responds to the baby’s needs, including feeding and comfort, the newborn understands to trust the environment because its necessities are met.

Throughout the second and third years, a toddler learns autonomy versus shame and doubt. Children at this age foster a sense of self when nurturers encourage safe independence and do not punish attempts at trying something new.

Erikson’s impact on psychology and child development is astounding. He analyzes the person from delivery into adulthood and even death. Before Erikson, providers held the notion that growth and change only occur at young ages.

As a pediatric intensive care nurse, I use Erikson’s Stages of Development in my daily work as a bedside healthcare provider. I also employ this knowledge in my role as a mom of a six-and four-year-old. To the best of my ability, I attempt to provide a stable environment where they can flourish into independent, confident human beings.

There is one big modification that I emphasize. I have the privilege of adding a health and life coach certification to my repertoire of knowledge. This training gives me the means to assess myself, reshape cognitive processes, and stop negative thought patterns. These days, my conversation with my children follows this pattern:

“Mommy, do you like it?” Potato asks.

“Do you like it?” I reply.

“I do like it. Potato affirms.

“It only matters if you like it because you made it,” I confirm.

I intend to teach my little ones to develop affirmations within themselves. I hope they cultivate self-love by seeking internal support rather than external. Searching for validation from others is not a guarantee of an optimistic exchange.

“Mommy, look what I made! I love it! It’s perfect!” Potato exclaims after completing a craft.

“Yes, it is so cool.” I encourage.

My heart bursts with joy when my children internalize what I repeat hundreds of times. When they ask me if I like something they made, but then reframe themselves by telling me how much they like it rather than waiting for my answer, it brightens my life.

I do not endeavor to be a perfect mom. My goal is to provide a safe space for my tots to learn, grow, and gain confidence and self-love.

Editor: Michelle Naragon