I took a big step this week for my personal growth. I looked for a counselor or therapist. This may not seem like that big of a deal, but it was for me. 

I probably have needed therapy since middle school. I avoided getting it when I was older because I have never considered myself suicidal. After all, while I have briefly contemplated it often, I’ve always said I wouldn’t do that to my friends, family, or my dogs. I don’t want to leave a mess for them to clean up. I’m also not usually alone, so I would get caught if I tried to engage in any sort of self-harm. 

This being said, I thought I could just listen to music, read, write, or work out to make myself feel better. I’ve learned that those things are fine if you can leave to calm yourself down. The problem is when you aren’t able to get away. I want to learn coping mechanisms so that I won’t break down into hysterics when people are upset with me. 

I was scared that if I would talk to a therapist, it would seem like I was ungrateful for everything other people have done for me if I mentioned that I’ve felt like a burden for the majority of my life. 

There is one problem with that mentality. It’s my issue, so it’s my responsibility to fix it. 

Counseling won’t solve everything, but I hope it will give me the tools to work towards becoming the best version of myself. Then I can help others find the best versions of themselves. This is an incredible privilege that I am grateful to have, but I acknowledge a lot of mental health treatment is expensive. Please know there is never any shame in needing to talk to somebody, even if it’s your best friend. They would rather talk to you about your troubles than sit at your funeral.

Featured photo by Geralt courtesy of Pixabay