Dear former best friend,

This will be the last letter you ever receive from me.

We would stay up all night talking about random things, everything from our favorite flavor of Mountain Dew, why they discontinue lemon-flavored Diet Coke, to the meaning of life and the existence of God. It pains me to write this because I miss you every day. You carry around so much negativity and darkness with you, and I guess that’s what attracted me to you. It’s no secret that I am someone who has a morbid fascination and a sense of humor that could potentially make Wes Craven shit his pants.

I’m so tired of playing second fiddle to everything around you. I’m so tired of wondering what person I’m going to meet today. It’s like you have three personalities: you have the personality of someone who is very sweet, giving, and incredibly honest; you have a personality that is very childish, self-serving, and impulsive to the point of danger; and then, I know this very devious spiteful manipulative person. And they all live inside your head.

You always tell me how bad people are, even people that we haven’t seen in ages. I don’t care what the person who stole my lunch money in high school is doing right now. I don’t care who goes to church anymore, even though you decided you don’t want to. I don’t measure human beings on a superficial level, and I think the only reason people do is that they’re looking for ways to better themselves without actually trying.

If you’re reading this, I want you to go home, sit down in front of the mirror, get out a pen and paper, and have a really long conversation with yourself. Sweetie, you need to know what you’re running from. You buy all these crazy things, yet you are eating Ramen three nights a week. You do these crazy things while your family wonders if you are okay.

If you want to, you can be a really good person; you have proven that to me. How about just working on that? I know it’s not easy to admit you made a mistake; I know that personal change is not easy, but you can change if you think about the love you have for the people around you. But only if you want to.

I miss our late night talks, I miss all of the times that you told me that I matter to you, and all of our inside jokes, but I wonder if they were real. I really don’t know if you can lie with a straight face all the time. And your family and your loved ones wonder that too.

I take my responsibilities seriously. I don’t have to wonder who’s sleeping with who, I tune out the rumors that I hear at the Mini Mart. I don’t troll Facebook all day to see who’s gained weight or who has decided to like who’s post this week because I am not a middle school student. I have a life, I have responsibilities. I want to get out on my own, be independent, have a job, and finish college. I don’t need this and it troubles me that you do. What are you gaining from being frozen in time? You have a family that needs you!

God bless you, but darling you’re wasting your life, and I wonder why I became part of it.

I honestly feel that if it weren’t for my disability, you wouldn’t have put as much time into getting to know me as you did. I can’t help but wonder if you used me to look like you’re a better person then you are without really trying. You like to tell people we hang out and somehow I look like a pile of human garbage in all of your tall tales. You don’t even know my current phone number.

Go enjoy your drama and your pity party, I won’t be there anymore.

I’m sorry this is goodbye.