“Possible risk of death.”

What do you mean,

a possible risk of death?

Sure, are you kidding?

That toxic haze I feel

As if it’s already over.

Sometimes I think that,

l have been dead for years.

Will today be the day,

My heart stops beating?

If I leave my mother behind,

Will she be okay without me?

She’s strong and I know that,

But it hurts her when I’m gone,

Even for a little while.

Right now, I see bright lights.

Lights that burn my eyes,

An all-encompassing ringing in my ears.

I try to wiggle my fingers and my toes,

Nothing.

God, please help me, I’m scared!

Eyes dart around wildly in their sockets.

Anxiety, my heart is beating so fast,

Like a bird eager to fly out of its cage.

Pristine white all around me, it sparkles,

The pure white is peppered with red.

Playful laughter echoing,

Bites from a king cobra cover my body.

Seriously, is this how I die?

I take a deep breath and pray.  

I have no choice anymore,

everything goes hazy once again.

Instinctively, clawing, everything I can reach,

It doesn’t work, I prepare for the inevitable.

I pray this will be quick.

Why God, why now?

I’m ready.

I’m ready to meet my maker.

I can’t feel anything.

Suddenly, intense burning in every fiber of my being.

Warm salty tears,

trickling down my cheeks.

I taste salt, bile and copper.

I reach down and scratch my arms

I can feel it,

I’m here, it’s real.

Too weak to move, exhaustion.

I fear,

I know we will meet again.

Until next time this is just a …

possible risk of death.