Content Warning: Depression, hopelessness

This year I’ve decided to focus on getting back to some version of my most independent self. I started physical therapy again. Plus, I scheduled an appointment to get evaluated for a new electric wheelchair. The bathroom is being renovated to make it more accessible. I’m also waiting for a call about getting set up with a Hoyer lift so the queen bed can stay. This is amazing progress, and I should be ecstatic. 

This is a frequent topic during sessions with my mental health therapist. I have trouble forgiving myself and taking credit when it is due. This means that instead of giving myself credit for taking the steps needed to be better, I focus more on the amount of work I have to do and how I shouldn’t have allowed myself to get to this point. You cannot change the past. You can only move forward. Quickly I learned twice a week would not work for me until I have my electric chair.

I read through therapy notes for my missed visits and felt awful. I start physical therapy again in about a month, hoping I’ll have some form of an electric chair to take myself to appointments. But, I still do the exercises at home. I’m going to add in more core work as well to hit the ground running for this next round of sessions. 

People have always told me that growing as a person comes with some growing pains. It may be a lot to handle right now, but I’m sure in a few years, I’ll look back at this time as a lesson. I am lucky to be in a position where I can have the resources to work on myself.

I have a beautiful home, an amazing best friend, and a family who is willing to support me in getting the help I need. Also, I have access to one of the top rehabilitation hospitals in the country and transportation to get there. It’s time I stopped complaining and started counting the positive things going on in my life.